Thursday, April 28, 2011

Jaws Be Yappin'

A lengthy conversation has started over at Reddit as to where the best burger in Victoria is. Most of the answers are predictable, though I am pretty surprised to see Paul's Motor Inn on the list. I haven't dined at Paul's in a good six years, but they easily had the worst food in town back then.

Can anyone confirm they've turned it around?

ps. Dear Reddit Users: A tuna tataki burger is not a burger. Neither is a vege burger. These are just sandwiches that look like burgers. Don't be fooled by false marketing!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Pig Burger Special Roundup: Week Ending April 15th


My first experience with a downtown Pig burger special, and it's a bit of a fuck up. Luckily Pig is good enough to fuck up and still be enjoyable. The patty was clearly overcooked, but at least it was overcooked in that dad-forgot-to-check-the-barbecue kind of way that tweaks as much fondness as frustration.

The hot sauce gives this one a flavour similar to the Buffalo Buffalo mini-burgers which were served up at last year's Burger Bash. Mac and cheese and dill pickle? It works as a curiosity, but it's no triumph. Probably the least exciting Pig burger special I've had to date. Wasn't horrible though.

Rio Grande Burger

Based on the name, I was expecting this to be a Bobcat Bite clone, but it's something much different. The pulled pork is overkill—its texture and flavour smother the beef patty—but this was still a fun eat. A pretty fantastic substitution for self-worth. The green salsa was a simple, fresh highlight. Most of the toppings were corralled effectively enough by the bun, but I was left with a salsa, tortilla strip, cheese and pulled pork salad at the end of it all. That's ok. A bit of shrapnel on the plate just means you're having fun.

VERDICT: Pig Colwood is the pricier, better burger bet.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Lunchbox Laboratory | 1253 Thomas Street | Seattle, WA | 206.621.1090 |

The Smoker
$14 USD

My God. It's so soft. It's so soft it could make rubbing your face against fresh laundry feel like cheek-surfing three miles down a gravel road after being knocked off a motorcycle by a pterodactyl. I want to use it as a pillow.

My friends all look at me. Waiting for me to say something, breathlessly leaning forward in anticipation of a critique. They pester me as their own meals go cold. This is what you get for dining with women. They don't understand me. They think I'm just having dinner. The truth is I'm finally on a first date with a burger babe I've been watching from the shadows for ages. Silently salivating over for years. We're locked away in our own imaginary room, getting ready to make love while my dining partners pound at our door like drunk teen girls trying to get into the bathroom at a house party.

The kobe/chuck patty meets my lips and I start to question if kobe beef truly is the insufferable fad I always thought it was. They say when your heart's on fire, smoke gets in your eyes. In this case it's smoked pepper mayo, and it's gettin' all over my taste-buds. It's not the loveliest flame, but it's more than enough for a one night stand. The copious amounts of mayo, havarti and onion ensure our affair is a messy one. Six pieces of bacon adorn this little mama. That's the average for a babe at Lunchbox. The honey-cured strips are so good you'll wish the average was double that.

It's tough to give a post-coital review of my encounter with The Smoker. She was a great time, one of my best, but I still have eyes for other girls.

VERDICT: It would be hyperbolic to say The Smoker is perfect, but she's the closest I've come in quite some time.

Friday, April 1, 2011