Monday, January 17, 2011

Willie's Bakery | 537 Johnson Street | 250.381.8414 |

All Beef Burger
(add $1 for cheese)

Lunch Only

Is there any greater victim of its own success than the hamburger? A dish so popular that every restauarant within a 10 mile radius of an American tourist is compelled to serve it. Willie's is such a restaurant. A place that seems to be serving its burger more out of compulsion rather than love of the meal.

The homemade half-pound patty is quite sawdusty, with a sweet and timid honeyesque flavour that likely comes from the onion that is mixed into it. The bun, advertised as a homemade ciabatta, tastes as if it has been sitting on the shelf for at least a day. The lettuce is fresh, but do I need the whole head? No, no not really. I don't really know what else to say. No amount of home sauce could have saved this one. Just a real sad tasting affair.

VERDICT: Stick with the pancakes.

ps. For history's sake, I suppose I should give the old ingredient list for this burger which dates back to the heady days of late 2009:

A homemade ½ lb patty with BBQ sauce, mushroom, lettuce, tomato, onion,
pickles, mustard & mayo served on a sourdough bun.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Sliders Cedar Hill | 3115 Cedar Hill Road | 250.595.2624 |

The Stampeder
(add $1.50 each for Cheese and Bacon)

I couldn't have expected less from this place. Oh I know that's unfair, but come on—3115 Cedar Hill Road has changed tenants more times than Disneyland has had parades. Turns out I'm the dick though—but you already knew that—cause Sliders ain't so bad.

Sure the cheese is melted into oblivion—to the point where it looks like the Toxic Avenger's face—and yah the bacon was a bit slouchy, but I still enjoyed this burger. The patty has a thin, griddled shell that contains a glut of Alberta Angus with just a touch of that Chinese-Canadian consistency I have become so familiar with. I'm sure others can't stand the gelatinous style of the Chinese-Canadian patty, but I've kinda grown to enjoy it. Perhaps these patties prey on my nationalistic side—they aren't quite right, but they seem to be unique to our country. It should also be pointed out that the patty at Sliders is not nearly as Jello-y as the one at Gathering Place. The fact Sliders gives a nod instead of a full-on head bang to the Chinese-Canadian style is what makes it kinda lovable despite its faults. Worth a look.

VERDICT: Whaddyaknow, they don't suck.

ps. I didn't order sliders, but from what I could see at other tables, Sliders was, just like every other place in Victoria, serving mini-burgers, not sliders. Few, that enough dismissive commas for you?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Cow Who Wanted to Be a Hamburger

This short film is being screened during the Victoria International Film Fest next month. It is described as "a children's fable about the power of advertising, the meaning of life and ultimately the test of a mother's love."

Let's all hope the cow's dream comes true and he becomes a burger at the end.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Olympic View Golf Club | Forester's Bistro Bar | 643 Latoria Road | 250.474.3673

Olympic View Burger

There may be something here eventually, but at this point we're stuck with a burger that isn't fully realized. The AAA beef patty is like that kid who never goes to school, and is but a hen's tooth away from flunking out, but he draws really wicked pictures of naked ladies and wizards and shit. You know he's got talent, but dude just isn't trying hard enough.

The slightly underachieving patty is a real shame, because it's supporting cast isn't so bad. In fact if the cheddar/mozzarella cheese blend didn't taste so cheap, this would be a pretty good burger. Oh well, not everyone can be valedictorian right?

VERDICT: A few steps from true success.