Wednesday, October 27, 2010

JACK FM Burger Poll Results

Here they are:

3rd Place: West Coast Taphouse - "The Chophouse Chilli Tomatillo Cheese Burger"
2nd Place: Canoe Club - "Canoe JACK FM Burger"
1st Place: Loghouse Pub - "The Yukon JACK Attack Burger"

Can't be too mad at this. Spinnaker's probably deserved a spot in the winner's circle though.

Dear Pig BBQ Joint:

Pulled Pork Poutine Burger. Think about it.

Thank you for contemplating my request.

Sincerely,

Donald

Habitat Cafe | Grant Building | Royal Roads University | Colwood

Hatley Park Burger
$9.50



Uggh. I'm so tired of burgers like this. Why do I even bother anymore? Why can every little league concession stand in the CRD pump out enjoyable burgers from cheap, pre-fab patties, yet no one else can? Also why does nearly every earthy-dearthy greeno-beano restaurant insist on using whole wheat buns. You're not fooling anyone anymore. There's nothing inherently earth-friendly about whole wheat buns. Also they are dry as fuck at least 95% of the time.

By now you can likely tell I wasn't sent into space by this burger. The bun:burger ratio is a boondoggle, as most of the other burger flavours are usurped by bready banality. Are there actually mushrooms on this thing? Could have fooled me, because you sure as hell can't taste them, and that's not because this is an expertly balanced product. The bacon? It has a texture akin to melted marbles. The patty itself is a below average pre-fab that is not particularly salty or sausagey (which most similar patties are). Salty and sausagey are not necessarily great qualities, but in patties such as these, they are often necessary, because without them there isn't much else.

This wasn't an inedible burger, and it wasn't among the ranks of the worst I've had; it was just lazy and boring. I've had some mediocre post-secondary cafe burgers, and this one from Royal Roads doesn't exactly buck the trend.

VERDICT: Higher learning=lesser food. It's a sad fact we intellectuals face.

ps. Apologies for the lack of updates lately. I've been a combination of busy/lazy, and that has resulted in the slow down. Also the only potentially interesting burgers left in town are lunch burgers, which I don't always have time to get to. I do hope to try Willie's Bakery and Mole soon. Also expect a review of the Palagio Pizza cheap-skate burger coming soon.

Friday, October 8, 2010

JACK FM Burger Poll.

Just noticed this via the Good Food Blog. Stomping on Black Press territory; JACK has teamed with a bunch of, mostly pub-style, restaurants to set up a best-of-our-catchment-area burger poll.

Here's the list of contestants:


I haven't been to half of these places (Ric's, OJ's, Taphouse, Station House), but I think I can say with confidence that the best burger in the CRD isn't on this list. There are some good joints listed here though: namely Loghouse (I have faith, even though it's been two years since I last visited) and Spinnakers.

This is just round one, however, which hopefully means new challengers will appear in subsequent rounds (though I expect round two is more likely to be the round one list parred down).

The JACK site seems to be set up so only members of their fan club can vote in this poll. Judging by replies on their Facebook site; JACK listeners know zip zero about island burgers. Seriously, the first two replies mention the A&W vege burger and the Famous Shameless at Redd's Pub. Don't be surprised if McDonald's wins the poll as a write-in candidate.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Kennedy Kitchen Lab

The Fatty Elvis


Some say gluttony is a sin, but I say the Fatty Melt is a gift from God. You might call your mom's mashed potatoes "heavenly", but nothing really gets you on the fast track to the afterlife like a sandwich containing enough calories to keep a rowing team going for a month. God wants to be close to us. He's lonely up there in that big ol' blue sky with Robin Williams whining everyday about his wife being in hell. THERE'S A PRICE FOR SUICIDE FUNNY MAN. What I'm trying to say is; God needs some new pals up there, that's why he gave us a sandwich that can kill.


As a creation of man, not God, there's no way the Fatty Elvis could ever be as good as the Fatty Melt. Perhaps it isn't a heavenly meal, but the FE is at least on a purgatory+ level.

The extreme awesomeness of peanut butter and beef together was established long ago. Even the idea of using Elvis' favourite sandwich fillings to accent a burger isn't a new idea. Dangerous Dan's in Toronto has been doing it for years, and closer to home; Pink Bike did a variation on the Elvis Burger back in summer.

What made my Fatty Elvis adventure good? The delicious, yet underutilized, coupling of beef and peanut butter for one. After that, it's the same things that make the Fatty Melt a triumph of biblical proportions: mostly the melty, gooey fun of the thing. However, whereas the Fatty Melt puts you on a heavenly plane which is generally unattainable from just eating a regular cheeseburger with no condiments or other accouterments; the Fatty Elvis does not. Although it's nice, a regular burger with peanut butter and fried banana would likely be more enjoyable.


There is one other thing the Fatty Melt does for you that the Fatty Elvis does not: make you tired. The Fatty Melt tends to put one in a blissful, sleepy stupor: as if there's nothing else worth staying cognizant for after eating one. The Fatty Elvis, though fun, just doesn't create that same enchanted numbness. A nice experiment, but still an imitator at heart.