Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Kettle Valley Station Pub | Ramada Inn, Penticton | 1070 Eckhardt Avenue, West | 250.493.3388 | www.kettlevalleystation.com


Cheeseburger in Paradise

$12



You guys like the show Mythbusters right? Well I hope you do, because I am about to confirm a WHOPPER! This is going to get scientific, but follow along closely and you'll be sure to learn a lesson that will stick with you for a lifetime (or at least until bedtime). Victoria is on an island. Amongst other vegetation, there is a lot of grass on this rock. Separating Victoria from mainland Canada is the Salish Sea (or the Georgia Strait... IF YOU'RE RACIST!). On the other side of the sea/strait there is also a lot of grass. Well I have been to the other side, and I can say the grass is greener. MYTH CONFIRMED!

...well confirmed at least as far as fast-food and gambling are considered. Seriously; I swear every town in BC aside from Victoria has a KFC/Taco Bell. You know how people are always bullshitting about how their wedding day was the best day of their life? Try going to Penticton, tossing some chips around at a LAKESIDE casino, and blowing your winnings on Crunchwrap Supremes. By the end of the day, you won't even remember you're married.

For all the sybaritic pleasures of Penticton, there are some disappointments as well, and this burger is one of them. I'll give this to the Kettle Valley Station Pub though: they are masters at writing deceptive menu copy. Usually a size of over 6oz means the patty is homemade, but such is not the case here. This half-pounder is an insult to the Tiger Blue that adorns it.

Aside from Blossom's Blue, I'm not sure there's a better blue cheese in Canada, and it deserves more than a supplier patty and a dry, whole-wheat kaiser. Also, how was this cheese not melted AT ALL? There hasn't been an easier thing to melt in the history of the world since the hearts of 1940's moviegoers were subjected to Bambi. Is the integrity of the cheese hurt by melting it? No. Is enjoying melted cheese on a burger some sort of bizarre personal preference? Maybe in crazy land, but not in level-headed logical land where I live.

So in summary dear readers: the grass is greener on the other side. Unfortunately, however, this means there's always greener grass just around the corner. Do you have any idea how much I wish Burger 55 had a television with the World Cup on (so I could have dined there instead)? Of course you don't: you were stuck in an agricultural zone where nectarines aren't in season yet, while I was pining for burgers from an old tire shop. You haven't been as close to paradise as I was, but here's hoping, when you get there, you eat a better cheeseburger.

VERDICT: Supposedly the top dog at this pub really knows his Scotch... sadly the same can't be said about his kitchen's burger knowledge.

ps. If you really want a drink in town though—you should go get hyphy with the dudes at Villa Rosa. Place is swimmin' in Yukon Jack! R.I.P. Mac Dre y'all.

pps. I was trying to wedge in a comment about how women in Salmon Arm are better looking than women in Penticton, but I couldn't figure out how. At least you have this informative footnote though!

8 comments:

Happy_pats said...

Thanks Donald, nice write up. And yes i had to look up sybaritic :)

dk said...

I only found it cause it was listed as a synonym when I looked up epicurean.

Anonymous said...

I absolutely love the paragraph about the blue cheese. When reading the reference to Bambi I thought that's where the amusement would end but no, you had to throw in the crazy world bit. Well done sir.

Anonymous said...

where were you born cause racism and a name of the place is over the top get off your high horse and leave this area to the original inhabitants if you feel that way yeah put your money where your mouth is no i didnt think so shut up

Anonymous said...

I agree with the last comment something wrong with your medulla oblongata.

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