Tuesday, May 4, 2010

La Belle Patate Redux: La Belle Burger

La Belle Burger


This is just a great garbage-pail burger. It is the strength of teamwork in burger form. Is the beef great? No. Is keeping the guts of this lard-ass in between the tiny bun a Sisyphean task? Sure. Is it one hell of a fun, pleasure centre punching eat? You bet your hindquarters.

Piled high with bacon, mushrooms, fried onions, and La Belle Sauce (which consistency-wise is kind of like honey-garlic sauce, but flavourwise is like... maybe a very subtle bbq sauce mixed with mayo... honestly I was just mowing through this one too quickly to pinpoint flavours in the sauce) this burger weighs in at close to 2/3lb. As mentioned, it is obvious from the flavour of the beef that it is of relatively lower quality, but that doesn't matter a wit in this package. Just let that grease work its way through your heart, and up to your brain where your sense of manhood can ride it like a cloud: high above all your useless brain functions like turning sunlight into vitamin d and shit. Just drink a glass of milk mahfucka!

The La Belle Burger has a simple recipe, but it's tried and true: eating fat and salt=happy. There are many other equations for finding happiness, but it's a lot easier—though perhaps equally as heartbreaking as other options—to experiment with this one.

VERDICT: Take a chemistry field trip to La Belle and you won't be disappointed.


Marianne (frenchfriestoflaxseeds) said...

La Belle Patate has burgers? I see poutine, and my blinders go on. Mmm, poutine. Now there is a grease & salt delight if I've ever seen one.

Happy_pats said...

HOLY SHIT that looks good. I gotta drive out to Esquimalt this summer for that. Great word-smithing Donald!

Anonymous said...

that review is straight up food porn and is almost sexual in nature. no lie, I have a semi.

Brandon Betts said...

Every word he said is true. This burger is probably the most unhealthiest thing you'll eat. You would have to run the length of the island to burn it off, and you'll probably die of a heart attack long before you start your quest. If you let anyone you care about eat this burger then you should be charged with 2nd degree murder. That being said... IT TASTES AMAZING!!! My hands were so greasy after eating it I couldn't hold my bottle of pop. Don't deprive yourself of this little bit of heaven in Victoria's anus known as Esquimalt (Escompton).