Flying Otter Grill | 950 Wharf Street | 250.414.4220 | www.flyingottergrill.com

Bad Boy Burger

$15

Like lemmings to the edge of a cliff, so to do Victorians scamper to sun-dappled patios at the first signs of summer. Except the lemmings don't eat cheeseburgers and sip IPAs at the bottom of the cliff. They explode like little rodent grenades. Or do they . . .

What if lemmings have discovered the secret to unwinged flight? They're not really committing mass suicide, they're just coastin' on some currents brah! Then when they get close to the bottom of the cliff they puff out their little cheeks and float safely to the surface. Once they're at the bottom all the furry little darlings enjoy a nice shandy and maybe nibble on some fries (twice fried, cause you KNOW that's how lemmings do brah). 

My question is: how long will it be before this evolutionary advantage is used against the humans who have laughed at lemmings for decades? HAHA YOU ALL JUMP OFF CLIFFS AND KILL YOURSELVES! DERRRRRR LERK AT MER ERM A LERMMING. Yah we'll see who's laughing when a lemming flies through your window and steals your television. WHO'S THE INFERIOR SPECIES NOW ASSHOLE!

All this musing about lemmings (Will they or won't they enslave the human race? Will they just be happy with petty theft? Is any flying rodent ever just happy with petty theft?) has me wondering: how would I feel if a lemming swooped in and stole Flying Otter's Bad Boy Burger from me? Well I'd probably yell out "OH COME ON!" and curse our intransigent government for not dealing with the lemming problem earlier, but I don't imagine I'd chase the little guy too far. 

The patty used in the Bad Boy is a better than average supplier job. Juicy enough, but with a bit of a manky flavour that often accompanies pre-fab patties (imagine what a crusty punk cow would taste like). The mankyness isn't totalllly offputting. If you eat at a lot of tourist traps you won't care (not that Flying Otter is a tourist trap). In fact you may think this is the best burger you've ever had. If you actually eat fresh, hand-formed patties though you'll be disappointed. 

I was able to slog through without it really bothering me that much. What did irk me was the co-mingling of sauteed AND raw onions. Go greasy or go fresh. Ya can't do both. It's silly. 

How does the Bad Boy match up against other patio burgers? Well it's certainly better than what Glo had the last time I was there (which was admittedly a long time ago). Better than Local Kitchen and Canoe Club though? It's been a while, but I don't think so.

VERDICT: AHHH stupid lemmings! Come back here with that bur-- ahhh forget it I'll just go somewhere else. 

Guy Alaimo Special 5th Anniversary Cameo Appearance

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW SHIT SON. Who's that over there on the airwaves, I can't hear real good. BOOM BABY! It's Guy Alaimo back freakin' out the normos who don't know how to handle people with personality.

Terry Moore and Co. over on CFAX-a-roony were jawin' about burgers this afternoon. After hearing some old dude drone on about how his wife enjoys White Spot, I figured things needed a little shaking up. So I asked Guy to place a call (he's always been more entertaining on radio than I am).

Anywayyyyyyy, here's the result. Look out for Terry letting out a very loud, very awkward fake laugh in order to cut Guy off before things get toooooooooo crazzzzy. Then the following caller drops' a "WHAT'S IN HIS COFFEE???!!" bomb. Ugh.



ps. Guy has a new blog. He's not talking about food (yet), but he does have a delicious new haircut I'm sure you'll all enjoy.

pps. For those wondering, consensus from CFAX listeners is White Spot is awesome and you should go there.

ppps. Terry likes Seaglass Waterfront Grill in Sidney, which actually looks like it might be decent.

Five Long Years . . .

Saturday marked the fifth anniversary of the Victoria Burger Blog. We said hello to the world on March 23, 2008 and posted our first review, of Mrs. Riche's Mountain Burger, on the 25th.

Since that fateful March day we have gone on to conquer local, provincial and national media and review approximately 200+ different burgers. Things aren't as active here as they used to be, but we aren't done yet (even though some of you would probably like us to be).

Thanks to all our readers--especially the few of you who still subscribe via RSS. Email vicburgers [at] gmail [dot] com for info on where to send anniversary gifts. The fifth year is wood or silverware, so send us a fork or a hunting decoy painted like a burger or something.

L'Authentique Poutine and Burger | Langford Canadian Tire Parking Lot | www.facebook.com/LAuthentiquePoutineAndBurger

Cheeseburger

$6

Just like your favourite teen drama; L'Authentique Poutine and Burger is back after a long hiatus. Will the cheeseburger get an abortion? When will everybody find out the poutine has started drinking again? And will Wilke ever come back from boarding school to rock out with Guitar Face again?

Questions, questions, questions eh? Howzabout some answers huh! Like how is L'Authentique doing after rising like a Phoenix from the ashes of a fire that claimed its old truck back in September? Doing a'ight as far as I can tell. Truck looks great and people are swarming it, but this is a burger blog--not a truck and patron review blog (maybe that's the next project).

L'Authentique's cheeseburger is a pretty spot-on A&W Teen Burger clone. The only difference is LP&B don't use a sesame seed bun.

Not much more to report here, other than the fact there is a poutine burger on the menu. Didn't get a look at it, but if they actually use full-size french fries and not shoestring fries (the wannabes of the fry world), it's likely better than the other pout burg offerings in the CRD.

VERDICT: Would go down nicely with a root beer shake.

The Love Perogy | 2155 Sooke Road | 250.889.6890 | http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Love-Perogy/270641853633

Basic Burger w/ Cheese

$5

Cheese & Onion Slammers w/ Sweet Pickle

$2.50 each

Available 11:30-5:00PM Tuesday to Saturday

Adam's Grocery has its shirtless proprietor and stack of old VHS tapes; Doncaster its pre-Mulroney era Tom Collins mix and charmingly gauche Tic Tac containers unencumbered by freshness seals--but no corner store comes close to the excellence that is Colwood's Corona Foods.

Seriously, just look at that cereal selection. Not only do they have Pebbles, but also Cookie Crisp, S'Mores AND the highly elusive Churro cereal. This place isn't just a fucking corner store, it's an oasis of American cereal culture. They are also one of the last bastions of flavoured Bugles, and home to perhaps the best pop selection in the CRD (Mega Mart on Gorge being the only other place that even comes close).

Pictured Above: The Basic Burger w/ Cheese

I didn't think Corona Foods could get any better, but boyyyyyyyy was I "Dewey Defeats Truman" wrong. Now parked in the Corona lot is The Love Perogy-- a food truck which is possibly the only place in the CRD serving up real sliders.

Pictured Above: Cheese & Onion Slammer w/ Sweet Pickle

As A Hamburger Today has pointed out in the past: mini burgers are not sliders. So what separates the Love Perogy from all the shitty Victoria bar mini burgers masquerading as sliders? Wearing a mask on a stick doesn't make you fun and mysterious and putting a tiny bun on a bit of beef isn't the recipe for a slider. There's more to it than that.

The Love Perogy Basic Burger starts on the grill as a tennis ball-sized quarter pound of beef. Placed atop the beef is a mittful of onion. After a couple minutes the coquetish onion hat is smashed into the beef. Then you've got your seasoning, cheese and finally the bun put on top of the patty for about a minute as it finishes marinating in sweet, sweet onion juices. The slammers (or sliders) follow the same process (they're just smaller).

Despite liberal pressing on the grill, a bite into one of these burgers will leave your wrists enveloped in haute grease bracelets that will make you the envy of all your burger buds. The tantric entanglement of beef, fried onion, American cheese, pickles, mustard and ketchup is superb. New Jersey's legendary White Manna would be proud. ACCEPT NO IMITATIONS MOTHERFUCKERS! The Love Perogy is the only place in the CRD where you can get that classic slider taste.

VERDICT: The best, and maybe only, true sliders you can find in our area. Perogies are damn good too.

Burger News Roundup

Jackalope Bistro is under new management. The menu doesn't seem to have changed much, but the restaurant's name is now "Chef's Quest" and it's got a whole medieval theme. No word on whether or not the burgers are any better/worse than they use to be, though I can tell you the chef almost melted her face off recently.

Mafia Burger--the burger joint which is more roving menu than it is an actual burger joint--has moved from Soprano's to Temple. They're open for lunch from 11-4:30PM and have added/tweaked some of the items that were on the previous Soprano's menu. They intend to open for dinner service soon, if they haven't already.

Crooked Goose Bistro at Wilkinson and Interurban is now home to what I believe is Victoria's first (and only) foie gras burger. Eat Magazine reports The Crooked Goose Burger is a "blend of pork, grass-fed beef and foie gras." Reporter Gillie Easdon describes it as "feral, gamey, unusual and quietly extravagant." Given Victoria tends to pick up on other city's food trends 2-3 years late, you should have plenty of time to sample this one before the protesters start showing up.

Refiner Diner | 1917 Quadra Street (Corner of Quadra and Caledonia) | 250.884.5643 | www.twitter.com/refinerdiner

Crispy Cheeseburger
$8
(Only available Wednesday-Saturday 11:30-3:00PM)

I'm sorry I haven't wrote you in a while. It's not that I don't love you anymore. It's just . . .

The excitement is gone from our relationship. Five years ago everything was new. There was hope that maybe we really could make it together. Maybe there really was an amazing burger out there in Victoria somewhere that no one knew about and we were gonna find it together. "Damn them all!" we said. They told us Victoria wasn't a burger town, but we knew our love was strong enough to change that.

And for a moment the love felt so real. It grew inside us and spread across the rest of the city like a C difficile outbreak spreads through a senior citizen's home on the gossamer intestines of withering grandmas (or like awkward similes spring forth from this blog). Burger joints were poppin' up like teenage boners. There's a time in life when you see a window to your future open and ours was a window to communal burger lust. A window bathing us in the light of true love's unceasing luminescence. And then. Suddenly. Without warning. It was all gone. There were no more burgers to be excited about. The love was gone and we were left wailing to the great burger spirit, "WHY DO YOU DELIGHT IN TORTURING ME?"

But true love lingers. When things get tough, all it needs is an accelerant. The Refiner Diner's Crispy Cheeseburger may be the accelerant needed to rekindle the fires of our true burger love.

This is a fantastic burger. It's name comes from the coy skirt of salty, crusted cheddar that clings to the juicy patty like starry-eyed young table chairs cling to the dream of one day growing up and becoming Barcaloungers. The Crispy Cheeseburger is a little more restrained than the famous Squeeze Burger, which is likely its inspiration, but that's ok. From the tangy pickles to the well-picked brioche bun and tasty house sauce--this is one of the most finely crafted burgers in Victoria. The love is back, baby.

VERDICT: Rivals Bubby's Kitchen as my current favourite in town.